Actually, I’d argue that it’s most people. If you pay attention to how people in groups form their goofy hierarchies and petty competitions (yes, that’s a touch of snark that you detect), how they gossip about people close to them, this is easily most people in simple group settings. I’ve never understood or operated with a sense of hierarchy or competition in mind. Only when I’m attempting to play along for a sense of social normalcy (which has backfired on me). The only real sense of competition I’ve held, was directly with my own body of work. Sincerely. And, let me be clear about this- Blowing off occasional steam (which ideally should be done with someone who doesn’t know of the other person), or warning women about a predator, is not the same as “gossip.” Therapists are great for this, btw, as long as they're not projecting their own harmful and arrogant theories and problems onto you (to say it politely). I think a lot of people have lost the plot on nuance, due to social media.
Don’t get me wrong here- Some situations have inherent hierarchy: Military, work situations (“work culture” is just an extension of high school anyway, right?), some family structures, even romantic relationships, regarding outsiders and time- If everybody is in charge, then nobody is in charge. So the rankings/titles matter. But, in many cases, they seem to devolve into some sort of underhanded malicious cohort. Back to relationships: Most people are monogamous, and one’s significant other, in most *healthy* typical relationships, should come first most of the time (don't read into this the wrong way), or tension will arise pretty quickly. Though, in the case of “non-monogamy” (which, I’ll be upfront about my utter contempt for), you have hierarchy on stimulants, avoidance, and co-dependency… Though many of these folks will argue that this is untrue.
Is that all “high school," or is that human nature? Or, is it all the result of male socialization and domination? Does that make people like me anomalies, or robots? Sometimes I feel like I'm just too oblivious to understand, coupled with my disinterest in playing along. This is why I mostly enjoy my own company, and simply being alone. Which adds to the ruffling of feathers- As if I haven't "earned" the right to opt out somehow (...and as if I care at this point in my life). Other people projecting their sense of unworthiness and worthlessness onto me; that's nothing new, though it has affected (infected) me in the past. That's a discomfort I've learned to reflect right back to others with graceful assertiveness. “Return to Sender."
I don’t know exactly why I’m posting this (wtf is a blog?). Tangential streams of thought are kinda my thing, and maybe someone will come across this and feel some sense of relief (or maybe anger). So, I’ll end with this, as I think about it a lot: Some people use the language of pain to avoid accountability. Some exaggerate pain so they can justify the pain they cause others. The strangest part being, the people that they cause harm to, have already suffered through extended situations and events, that would’ve likely killed them; and perhaps that’s partly (and twistedly) why they do it. If this applies to you, I’m sure that you have been in pain, but I’m also sure that it’s *been* time to sit alone with yourself, in a mirror. For an extended period. Here’s the thing- Character isn’t loud; it’s just consistent.
Don’t coddle people who repeatedly take advantage of the humanity in others.
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