Pretty In Pink 2: Andie and Steff's Post-rehab Hookup

You know that moment in the original 90210 when Kelly Taylor, standing between Dylan and Brandon, looks at both of them and says “I choose me?” That was revolutionary for Gen X teen girls. I am not Gen X, but I am a geriatric Millennial fan of 90210.

*🎶Biblical electric guitar anthem🎶*

Andie Walsh deserved that same moment. “Quirky” *pukes in mouth* girls deserved THAT moment in 1986. THAT’S how the movie should’ve ended… Not Blaaaaane kissing Andie- And not to mention, the gaslighting he did to her at the end... Fucking Blane! I hate Blane! BLAAAAANE was SPINELESS. Irredeemable. Loathsome. Contemptible. And I mean this in absolutely no offense to Andrew McCarthy, whose work I do appreciate. He certainly got the job done.

Hear me out- Steff is the most redeemable male in this entire film. The only smarmy 80’s villain you actually want to end up with the girl at the end. The entire movie, Steff is just expertly serving c*nt to us, and not just because he’s James Spader. Ftr, daddy can still get it. Anytime. On his death bed. I'm on call sir... Nobody's surviving the ride. Not even the bystanders... Just, tossin' this one out... (bring the linen suit). James Spader, my beloved… where was I? James Spader has been somebody’s sexual awakening in every decade since 1980. Every woman, some men, and several people still figuring it out, between the ages of 18 and 73, have had a James Spader moment. You know the one.

*Adjusts posture* Moving along... Steff isn't the actual the villain- He's the most honest character in the film. Immature, reckless, jealous, narcissistic, entitled, spoiled rich kid... but still the most honest. He's NOT OFF the hook, but he's the most likeable. Steff actually liked Andie, despite his obvious character flaws. Underneath her self-respect and understandable contempt for him, there was actual chemistry. BLANE is the actual villain. Steff knew what he was. Blane pretended. Oh fuck Blane... I FUCKING HATED BLANE!!! *Literally shouting this out loud* Duckie was almost equally terrible as the original "nice guy" blueprint, but Duckie had potential for growth.

Pretty in Pink 2: Ten years later

Blane is exactly where you’d expect him to be: Married to someone appropriate, someone his parents approved of, someone he doesn’t love. He’s in finance. He coaches little league and he’s miserable and he deserves it.

Duckie is… Fine actually. Grew out of it. Still besties with Andie. Plays bass in TWO bands.

Andie? Andie is running an independent record label out of Los Angeles. It’s somewhere off Sunset. She found her people. She’s good.

And Steff?

Steff calls her record label after getting out of rehab and doing “the work.” Not because he planned to. Because he might be on step 9… and she’s on the list. Okay, you know what? Scratch that- Anyone who’s ever received one of these apologies, knows that they’re not always (or even usually) welcome… They’re for the asshole apologizing (that’s another blog). He did coke for a decade and after a spectacularly ugly divorce and blowing through most of his trust fund, somewhere in the wreckage he realized the only person he was ever actually honest with was the redhead he spent 4 years terrorizing in the hallways of a high school he barely remembers.

She calls him back. That’s what I have for you all.

If John Hughes were still alive, I would tell him this: You owe every woman an apology for Judd Apatow movies.

Leon Kennedy, my Beloved (oh, and Kiryu's here, too!)

My life is basically a mashup between Resident Evil and The Yakuza Saga. Except I’m the only human showing up without a gun or superhuman reflexes. Somehow, Leon Kennedy parries literal zombies with chainsaws while understanding people better than half the men I've met. My OG husband Kazuma Kiryu? He survived entire gang wars, betrayal, and the literal collapse of the world around him- and still somehow loves, protects, and listens.

Meanwhile, the men I encounter in real life? Most wouldn’t survive a single chapter of either game. Not emotionally. Not morally. Not physically. And certainly not with the subtlety women need.

Leon Inspires Chaos, But is Not My Usual Type

I’m not typically attracted to translucent blue eyes and pale, ethereal features. Most of the time, those traits just scream “fragile vampire boy” to me. Yet Leon Kennedy… somehow short circuits my brain. He inspires the most unhinged reactions in the general population. People either want to be him, protect him, be protected by him, punch him, or claim him as their own. Entire forums and social feeds (sorry if you follow me on IG) devolve into chaos over him. He is literally a walking social experiment in desire and gay panic.

And now, the moment that broke my brain: Gideon stroking Leon’s hair while he’s tied up and supposed to be interrogating him. And Leon? Not a twitch. Not a flinch. Just calm. Lethal. Magnetic. Existing. My jaw detached itself like a Ren and Stimpy episode somewhere around the third second, while I shouted, "OLD MAN YAOI! WE HAVE OLD MAN YAOI!!!" (I see you, Capcom). The randomness, the absurdity, the chaotic sensuality... It was like watching a perfectly choreographed trainwreck.

*** Family Guy Cutaway --- Unhinged flashback ***

Leon: “Think you can swallow me whole, huh?”

{Camera pans to everyone's reaction}

Me, with zero hesitation: “I dunno, daddy, but if I’ve got your permission, I’ll give it my best shot."

Gideon, from nowhere, sniffing Leon's jacket: “You're a dead man walking!"

Kiryu, the irritated dad who's had enough of this shit: “落ち着け! (Cool it!).”

(...I'm so sorry)

And yet, somehow, Sam Reid in Interview with the Vampire sneaks into my brain. Not usually my type, right? But watching him… maybe now it is. The elegance, the gaze, the VOICE, the chaos simmering under control; it’s like seeing Leon Kennedy’s calm, magnetic energy in human form. Coincidence? I think not.

Meanwhile, Kiryu? He’s my actual type: beautifully swarthy, impossibly solid, but with that understated softness under the steel... His intoxicating bass voice (bites fist). I regret not being able to link to Kuroda Takaya's NSFW Voice-over work, folks... Anyway, I’m pale mild chaos; maybe it’s why I like calming bronze gods. He grounds me, thrills me, and embodies the kind of presence many women tend to actually desire and need.

Trauma Doesn’t Break Them; It Makes Them Human

Leon has seen things no one should: blood, betrayal, people he trusted turning into monsters. And yet, he notices the little things. He adapts. He doesn’t avoid the hard stuff because he’s scared of discomfort; he faces it. Kiryu? He’s watched his chosen family crumble around him, been betrayed, beaten, shot, left for dead… and yet he’s still steady, reliable, and attentive (like... women in the real world).

Contrast that with real men: Discomfort and inconvenience often seem to make men avoid responsibility, dodge conflict, or perpetuate cycles of harm. Emotional avoidance isn’t charming; it’s exhausting. Many men I’ve known (and observed) have been quick to anger, slow to empathy, and eager to blame rather than reflect. Some even repeated abusive patterns, claiming ignorance (or projection) as a shield while I’m left cleaning up the damage.

Leon, Gideon, and the Umbrella Curse: Chaos, Hair, and Hormones

Here’s my theory: the Umbrella Curse doesn’t just make people murderous or biohazardous. It also makes everyone horny. Throw Leon into a viral apocalypse scenario, sprinkle in trauma, and suddenly every character goes borderline unhinged with desire. I don’t know if it’s canon, but it should be.

Meanwhile, Kiryu walks in, solid and composed as ever. He doesn’t trigger apocalyptic hormones (unless we're talking the fated Dead Souls release...). He just is. Grounding, terrifyingly competent, devastatingly attractive. Without even trying. Leon = chaos incarnate. Kiryu = safety net. Me? Squealing internally while applauding the physics of fictional sexual tension.

The Parallel With My Own Life

I see myself in Leon and Kiryu. I see women’s needs and actual behaviors reflected in their actions: empathy, respect, patience, and courage. And then I look at real men who dodge, excuse, or deny. Men who avoid the hard conversations, refuse accountability, or actively gaslight, and I realize how much survival skill women develop just to navigate their avoidance.

It’s exhausting. It’s absurd. And honestly? It’s why I retreat into worlds where men can be flawed but still grow, protect, and cherish. Where their trauma shapes them, rather than excuses their harm.

In Closing

Yes, I love two men who don’t exist outside games. And yes, they’re better than most of the men I meet in real life. Leon inspires chaos, Gideon (...Diddyon?) dislocates my jaw, the Umbrella Curse confirms my suspicions about universal unhinged desire; and now maybe Sam Reid does, too. Kiryu grounds me, thrills me, and embodies the kind of integrity and presence many women desire and need. Until men like them exist in the wild, I’ll keep surviving my own Raccoon City Kamurocho, quietly cheering for my husbands who could actually handle it.

...For your viewing pleasure:

The Darker Side of Gossip and Distortion

Where it’s done deliberately, with the aim of destabilizing or destroying someone else’s life- Slander doesn’t need to be loud; it can be whispered, cloaked as ‘concern,’ or disguised as social commentary. Yet its impact is very real, measurable, and lasting. Observing these patterns isn’t judgment; it’s recognition.

Some people don’t just gossip or manipulate; they also weaponize it, targeting the very people they’ve harmed under the guise of ‘truth,’ or poetic justice. What this really is, is revenge. But, for what exactly? In their eyes, they’re taking revenge for imagined slights, perceived disrespect, jealousy, or simply for being caught in a reflection of their own behavior... even though they would never admit it. They often sprinkle in a grain of truth; just enough to make their narrative believable- While twisting context, exaggerating faults, or outright lying. They stir drama and cast blame so convincingly, that their targets end up defending themselves (sometimes reactively, often defensively) while the abuser plays victim. This creates a vacuum of confusion, self-doubt, social isolation and withdrawal, and emotional exhaustion. Victims are forced to navigate a minefield they didn’t create, often questioning their own perception while the abuser’s narrative drops faster than a cringey 2000's Eminem diss track (hands up! hands up!)... **neurodivergent grimace**... It’s not loyalty, concern, or nuance; it’s cruelty disguised as performance art.

And, FFS: Before you assume anything about someone, and become a little flying monkey, ask yourself: Have you ever actually met the person in question? Do you *actually* know them, personally? Have you been a recent part of their life? Or are you only seeing them through the warped filter of someone else’s (alleged) story? If the answer is anything other than yes… congratulations! You’re forming opinions about a caricature; not a real human being. Here's some free advice, especially for women: Stop outsourcing your judgment (we've all done it). If you’re letting someone else dictate your opinion, it’s probably because you crave approval (often male), or your self-worth is conveniently on vacation. Try therapy (be discerning), and standing apart from that protective group think bubble for once.

Writing this isn’t just venting or documenting chaos. It’s my way of permanently killing off roles that I never auditioned for. By observing patterns, exposing manipulative tactics (which I know are not always conscious), and holding up a mirror- I reclaim the space and energy that used to be wasted on their games. I’m not here to argue, to prove anyone wrong, or to beg for recognition. I’m here to live clearly, and on my own terms. Fucking finally... And if someone feels implicated, that often says more about them, than the situation itself.

Saturday through Sunday, Monday, Monday through Sunday, yo (I can’t be your Superman).

Some people never mentally leave their formative years

Actually, I’d argue that it’s most people. If you pay attention to how people in groups form their goofy hierarchies and petty competitions (yes, that’s a touch of snark that you detect), how they gossip about people close to them, this is easily most people in simple group settings. I’ve never understood or operated with a sense of hierarchy or competition in mind. Only when I’m attempting to play along for a sense of social normalcy (which has backfired on me). The only real sense of competition I’ve held, was directly with my own body of work. Sincerely. And, let me be clear about this- Blowing off occasional steam (which ideally should be done with someone who doesn’t know of the other person), or warning women about a predator, is not the same as “gossip.” Therapists are great for this, btw, as long as they're not projecting their own harmful ideas and problems onto you (to say it politely). I think a lot of people have lost the plot on nuance, due to social media.

Don’t get me wrong here- Some situations have inherent hierarchy: Military, work situations (“work culture” is just an extension of high school anyway, right?), some family structures, even romantic relationships, regarding outsiders and time- If everybody is in charge, then nobody is in charge. So the rankings/titles matter. But, in many cases, they seem to devolve into some sort of underhanded malicious cohort. Back to relationships: Most people are monogamous, and one’s significant other, in most *healthy* typical relationships, should come first most of the time (don't read into this the wrong way), or tension will arise pretty quickly. Though, in the case of “non-monogamy” (which, I’ll be upfront about my utter contempt for), you have hierarchy on stimulants, avoidance, and co-dependency… Though many of these folks will argue that this is untrue.

Is that all "high school," or is that human nature? Or, is it all the result of male socialization and domination? Does that make people like me anomalies, or robots? Sometimes I feel like I'm just too oblivious to understand, coupled with my disinterest in playing along. This is why I mostly enjoy my own company, and simply being alone. Which adds to the ruffling of feathers- As if I haven't "earned" the right to opt out somehow (...and as if I care at this point in my life). Other people projecting their sense of unworthiness and worthlessness onto me; that's nothing new, though it has affected (infected) me in the past. That's a discomfort I've learned to reflect right back to others with graceful assertiveness. "Return to Sender."

I don’t know exactly why I’m posting this (wtf is a blog?). Tangential streams of thought are kinda my thing, and maybe someone will come across this and feel some sense of relief (or maybe anger). So, I’ll end with this, as I think about it a lot: Some people use the language of pain to avoid accountability. Some exaggerate pain so they can justify the pain they cause others. The strangest part being, the people that they cause harm to, have already suffered through extended situations and events, that would’ve likely killed them; and perhaps that’s partly (and twistedly) why they do it. If this applies to you, I’m sure that you have been in pain, but I’m also sure that it’s *been* time to sit alone with yourself, in a mirror. For an extended period. Here’s the thing- Character isn’t loud; it’s just consistent.

Don’t coddle people who repeatedly take advantage of the humanity in others.

My website is back up- I never left.

Hi!!! After years in hibernation, my site is back up! So: While in general I'm a pretty transparent/honest person, I'm also fiercely protective of my privacy- I'm fiercely protective of those I love, often to my own detriment. I detest others exaggerating, lying, baiting, or twisting context for their own motives, narrating on my behalf, or exploiting me in any way... To put it simply, I have a zero-tolerance policy for malicious gossip, rumors, and scapegoating; notably, when the goal is devaluing, dismissing, discrediting, humiliating, and silencing women. Let me make myself very clear: Nobody speaks for me, nobody speaks on my behalf.

Due to the nature of, and (de-)evolution of social media and the internet- I have not had public, personal social media accounts for years, and I have fully distanced myself (...years ago) from the people who have harmed/dehumanized me (not to mention, the outright sabotage), and who still continue trying to, while I've regained some sense of control over my life, my image, my voice. My site is my little home for updates, my music, and general Tom Foolery. Thank you for reading.

tatianad.com

New songs

I used to update here a few years ago, but didn't keep up with it- I'm finally in a spot where I can record material. The noise is a problem, but I'm working through it. I lived in Los Angeles for awhile. I'll probably end up back there at some point, but I have a lease for now. More on that in another post.

New songs: I've been writing/composing/recording since I was a kid. Some things date back... really far. I have new work that I'd like to become an album (albums... aren't those from the 90's?), and might combine some of it with older work. I would also like to finally start playing out- In the past, I tried to assemble some sort of live band, but this time, I'll just go it solo, whether or not I can piece that together.

I sold my instrument setup both before moving to, and before coming back from, Los Angeles. I finally reacquired instruments and such, so I can just go at it. I do need to get my hands on an acoustic guitar.

Next time