It is always entitlement coupled with contempt.
That’s it. That’s the whole thing. Entitlement says, “I should have access.” Contempt says, “you don’t count enough to stop me.” Together, they’re a permission slip someone writes for themselves, about you, sometimes without your knowledge, and definitely without your consent.
And then they just… act on it. Enter your living space when you're not home. Go through or even hack into your devices/network. Decide you two are closer than you are. Steal, destroy, or sell your possessions/belongings. Sexually assault you. Beat you. Choke you. Narrate your life and completely fabricate stories to other people in rooms you don’t know about, so that you won't be credible if you ever do speak up (the double whammy). Forge your signature or steal your identity. Insert themselves into your story with zero acknowledgment that it’s your story. Sometimes people you’ve barely met. Sometimes people you’ve never met at all.
Sometimes, these people are in positions of "authority" that they have no business being in.
Here’s the part that took me awhile: It doesn’t matter if you just tell, or give them access. Freely. Openly. It doesn’t satisfy anything, because it's never actually about the information or access. It's about taking something from you- It's about getting in somewhere without consent. A door that’s already open is boring to someone who showed up to breach it.
So “a misunderstanding” or “miscommunication” or (my favorite) “you're paranoid”... are the oldest uno reverses in the book. Except, they're not- Especially when there's documented evidence. They made a decision. They made it before they acted. They made it every single time after that, too. The decision to violate someone is always made before the violation happens, whatever their "justifications." And it is very difficult to get people to part with their "just world hypothesis" view of their own bubbled little worlds... So people (mostly women) are always expected to “extend grace” or “give the benefit of the doubt" and are often just apathetically ignored, hoping it goes away and THEY won't have to act or help. Or sometimes, (I love this one) you just get hit with an… "Are you SURE that's what happened?"
*pukes in mouth* *shits pants*
The misunderstanding or even misremembering framing only works if the other person agrees to it. I never did.
Ps: Since we’re here-
This has gotten worse. People have become increasingly... weird- Social media/The digification of relationships did something to people’s already questionable grasp of social boundaries, and then covid finished the job. Antisocial behavior (not to be confused with asocial *waves hand*) got normalized so gradually (notably in group settings), that a lot of people genuinely can’t locate the line anymore, were never formally introduced to the line in the first place through proper socialization, or stopped caring entirely that it exists. Digital access to someone became confused with actual access to someone, and actual physical access gave way to an even more twisted sense of entitlement. Watching became mistaken for knowing, proximity became mistaken for closeness. And entitlement, which was already a problem before any of us had a smartphone, got a whole new set of tools and a much larger audience... Not to mention, the pornification of everything, which we're only beginning to see the devastating effects of on not only male desensitization/aggression, but the utter dehumanization of women and girls in the last 20 years or so... Another blog.
Honestly, I've BEEN fucking tired of all of this, and I know I'm not alone.
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